Sobfest

This Thursday feels like a sobfest in the studio for me. I started off with doing work that I don't have to start on yet... And then, I started watching a proposal video. That sparked off my tear glands. They are not very happy today. After which, I started reading blogs of widows... And that didn't sit too well either. My tear glands are still working pretty hard today.

I wonder how my customers will react if they see me weeping silently outside the studio when they exit the studio.

There are so many thoughts going through my mind right now. My emotions are in an absolute turmoil.

It is scary to be in a relationship. You end up baring your soul to someone so foreign yet so close to you at the same time. It's been 6 years now. But does it make me feel any better to bare my soul to someone else? Not always. I feel exposed and vulnerable and easily hurt most of the time. But he's so impossible to leave. He's so impossible to reject. He's so impossible to not love.

It is also extremely scary to be in a business with the same guy you're in a relationship with. There are so many what if's. There's so much tension most of the time. There's so much fear. And you bare yourself a lot more than you're supposed to just because you're in a business with him. There's so much insecurities, so much fear, so much that can go wrong.

I hope nothing goes wrong.

The story.

If I was myself one year ago, I'd never have thought that I would open a studio one year later.

One year ago, I started up Thursday Tales (which is now closed) with the intention of setting up an online boutique that was fairytale themed. But it turned out to be a fairytale as well. It's simply too difficult to enter the online boutique market without some fame/ extra capital or just a selling point that was unique enough. I eventually got discouraged and closed Thursday Tales down permanently. Actually there's a part of me who would love to bring the shop back. I loved it because I fully conceptualized the idea and created it with the help of my lovely friends. I still love Thursday Tales and it'll forever be part of my memories and history.

But now La Novella Studio has came along and I love it with every bit of my life as well. Despite the need for National Service and the many difficulties that we perceived would come our way, the boyfriend and I still went ahead and followed our hearts instead. We created La Novella Studio with the help of our parents and although he's in army now, he spends much of his free time here in the studio with me.

It's not easy, really. This studio is probably one of the hardest projects I've embarked into in my entire life. There's much of photography that I've yet to learn. There's so much of the studio that still baffles me even up till today. But it's challenging I guess. It's challenging to learn. It's so different from what I've done in my entire life that it challenges me to want to learn that much more.

I wouldn't say I've done a good job though. I've made so much mistakes in the scheduling of bookings that it's not funny. But realize that I'm still a newbie at this and sometimes, I just really need time to learn. I am not a machine/a robot. I'm a human being and human beings make mistakes - much like anyone else. The fact that I work in this studio doesn't make me any less of a human being so start treating me like one please.

I've been working the most irregular hours here in the studio and sometimes, it's just really exhausting to say the least. So when I make mistakes, please understand that it's not my intention to screw up your schedule. It's just that sometimes, you're just too exhausted to focus but yet you still have to because you have a mailbox that is filled to the brim.

So yes, it is definitely not easy and I'm definitely still learning, but I'll be better. I promise.

La Novella Studio will be a lot better one day and I'll be sure to make that happen.