You know life has exhausted you when you have to drag yourself out of bed each morning.
When you head to your bed at 10pm and only fall asleep at 3am. Only to be jolted awake again at 4am and 5am and 6am and 7am until it's time for you to wake up. When you walk around like a walking zombie without a soul. When you space out with nothing in your mind at all. When you sit down doing nothing and start tearing out of nowhere. When you used to love social media to death and then nowadays you just wish social media would disappear from your life.
You know life has exhausted you.
Last night, I went to bed at 1.30am. At 2.30am, I opened my eyes and was confused as to whether or not I fell asleep. I wasn't sure if I spaced out thinking about work or if I was just asleep and jolted awake by stress. I coaxed myself back to sleep only to wake up again at 5am wondering what went wrong again. When I eventually had to drag myself out of bed at 7am, I hated my body for doing this wake up over and over thing to me.
This morning, I had a photography job to do. I felt like a clockwork-ed zombie. Like someone ran me on clockwork and I just had to do it.
I didn't feel life in me when I did it.
I sit around all day long with nothing particular in my mind. But random pangs of sadness keeps stabbing me. They keep coming at me for no apparent reason.
And this is how I know that life has burnt me out. It has burnt the flame in my heart out.
I still love the studio, I still love my job.
But when all you've worked on for one year is this, you get tired. And I am now exhausted.
I need a break.
