I don't love you any lesser than I did a month ago. Maybe I love you more. Maybe this love has consumed me so much so that I don't know what love is anymore.
I remember just 2 years back, I wrote a post on how my heart was threatening to jump out of my body while waiting for you end work outside your work place. I remember how nervous I was to see you. How much I wanted for you to see my best. How much I craved to see you and to be in your arms again.
2 years later. We work together everyday. We are awesome partners at work. We complement each other's shortcomings. But is that same passion still there? Do I have to keep my heart in check anymore? Do I work hard to look my best in front of you everyday? Do I still crave to see you, to be in your arms for the same reason that I had 2 years ago?
I don't know when this happened. I don't think I know for sure.
But I feel like this relationship is starting to feel like a stale bread. Very dense, very heavy and not tasty anymore.
I miss you. I miss us. I miss us being happy together.
Nowadays it's just a ton of disagreements and a lot of boredom. We look at each other on different ends of the table with nothing much to say. All we can talk about is work.
I ask you daily "do you love me?", "do you miss me?"
It's became a routine. I ask not because I don't know what your answer is. I ask because I fear. I ask because I honestly don't know if I feel loved or missed or needed anymore.
Maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I'm just too closed up. Maybe I'm just too fearful of loneliness.
I don't know. I really don't.
Maybe I'm too greedy?
I just wish both of us would put just that bit more effort into each other. I just wish for that fire to come back again.
But maybe we've been burned to the wick. Maybe I can't light it up anymore.
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